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This is a choice selection of images from the application for U.S. patent 7,631,404, which has since issued to Donald Scruggs of Chino, CA. The title is "Easy inter burial container." [via Neatorama]
Screw-in coffin patent issues
Posted by Sean Michael Ragan |
Feb 9, 2010 01:59 PM
Green, Made On Earth, News from the Future |
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Something about twirling a corps as your final goodbye just seems wrong. Funny, but wrong.
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to make a "spinning in the grave" comment. Thank you. Good night, I'm here all week.
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Oh, man, I can't believe I missed that one! =]
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Can I be the first to make a "spinning in the grave" comment. Thank you. Good night, I'm here all week.
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This is the coffin to get for somebody who felt screwed by life.
Seriously, though, why the threads? Trying to keep the topsoil in place? Why not do this without the threads - dig a vertical hole, drop a cylinder coffin in. Done.
The threading is just unnecessary effort and over-design.
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I think the idea is actually to place the coffin in the ground without the need for digging a hole first.
You've got to move a lot of dirt out of the way, though, and that's assuming you've got reasonably uncompacted sediment for seven or eight feet. In optimal ground conditions, I suppose a powerful enough motor might be able to drive it in, but I don't see two men doing the same by hand.
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The stress on the coffin would be pretty serious.
I plan to drink a lot of alcohol before cremation. I would be doing what I can to help.
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It is definitely needed. Without the threads, heavy flooding would bring them out of the ground.
http://www.silobreaker.com/first-person-flooding-forces-coffins-from-ground-5_2262797425892655104
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I prefer the version where you are buried in a giant nail, och your family has to see your corpse get hammered (down into the ground).
Or the one where the coffin is shot down into the ground with a giant crossbow.
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The standing joke in the Paras was:
Parachute fails? IA: Cut it away and pull your reserve.
Reserve fails? IA: cross your legs and drill your way in, that way you save us the bother of burying you...
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...I really need to patent my idea of burying corpses using a giant rail gun pointed towards the ground. I calculate a two-man crew could bury approximately 1500 bodies a day with this method. Think of the savings!
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With savings like this you'll think you died and went to heaven!
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This is kind of a cool idea actually. Except that when you really look at the initial design...the top of the head is only a few inches below the surface...
Maybe if they put like a 3 foot extender above the head, that would be more comforting to know that curious dogs and skull hunters would have to work a little harder to get at my decomposed cranium.
I see these hitting the market at about $399 roughly the same price as a 32gb iPhone but FAR more practical. Then, HOPEFULLY, China steals the design and mass produces them illegally and then we might be able to pick these up cheap on ebay or in the Walmart Garden Department for about $150.
COME OOOOOON CHINA!
hiproductions
http://www.preciseplus.com
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